Checking In, Writers of the Future, Silly Writer, Moral of the Story.

[mmerriam]

I know, I know. I was once one of those LJers who posted at least every other day. Now I'm not, for whatever reason, though perhaps I will be again in the not so distant future. I have been posting short, quick hits over at my Facebook.

Writing continues. I'm moving along--slowly but surely--on Rija's Tale. I've hit a stretch where I am enjoying this novel again (which is to say I'm coming out of the middle and gathering stream as I start my race toward "The End"), and I think that things will go better now that I have my desk again.

Ah, yes, that. My monitor crapped out a month ago, and I'm just now replacing it. I've been working off the laptop, but frankly, I prefer to work from my actual desk. It's all about having a space to write. I know it might seem silly, but part of getting into the flow of writing is having a space that is mine and mine alone to work at. The desktop is mostly careswen's machine, where she does homework and plays WoW. The laptop is shared and portable and too easy to move from room-to-room (which actually translates into from distraction-to-distraction) and it's not, you know, my work computer. I know it's all in my head, but there it is. We bought a nice 20" flat screen for my working computer this weekend, a floor model that was on sale.

It's the end of the first quarter for the Writers of the Future contest, and once again I find myself a semi-finalist. There was a point in my career this would have pleased me, but now it's just another rejection. I'm not even sure I care about the critique the story gets, because both times I've gotten those critiques, I rewrote the story involved and broke it, forcing me to spend precious time repairing it again later. On the flip side, I knew the story I sent was a long shot. I've read plenty of the stories that have won and been published in the anthologies over the years. I sent them an urban fantasy noir story with a blind lesbian mage-detective protagonist. Not the type of story you see in their winners circle too often, but it was only thing I had available at the time.

The first quarter of WotF always forces me to stop and take stock of where I am as a writer, because this was where I started. My first real submission (for this attempt at writing) back in 2003 was for the first quarter of WotF. That story was a quarter-finalist, what I think they call honorable mention now. I've never done worse that that level in the contest, and I've been a semi-finalist more than once. So on the anniversary of my first rejection from WotF, I always take time to reflect on where I am as a writer. This can be dangerous. I'm just saying.

I looked back this year found myself, after six years of hard work, nowhere near where I would like to be. Don't get me wrong, I've made some pretty nifty sales to some really nice magazines, but I can't help wondering what I'm doing wrong. Is there some skill I've yet to master? Is it that I don't write what the major markets are buying (well, obviously that's true)? Is it that I've simply hit the end of my level of talent?

careswen and I talked about this over the weekend. I pointed out that several of the folks I came up through OWW with--my "cohort" if you will--are making the SFWA pro-sales, signing the book deals, and getting nominated for--and sometimes winning--major awards. I know it's stupid, and I don't begrudge my writer friends their success, in fact I'm cheering them on, but...

careswen had to remind me that I can't do anything about that stuff: That the only thing I control is the writing (something I harp on all the time at conventions). She also asked my how many of my OWW "cohorts" had fallen by the wayside, given up, stopped writing.

Too many of them, I realized, which is sad. I know people stop writing for a variety of reasons (health, family, money, loss of interest, and burnout, for example), but that means I won't be reading anymore stories written by these friends and writers, many of whom have far more talent than I (this goes beyond my OWW folks to other fine writers I know).

Her point is right, of course (Moral of the Story: Listen to the Wife). I'm still working, still writing. I talked with another friend about this over the weekend, and he told to go back and read my earlier works and compare them to what I'm doing now. I know he's right: I've come a long way in six years, becoming brutally competent at what I do by dint of hard work.

And they're both right in that you can't compare yourself to other writers, because that way is madness (something else I harp on all the time when I'm on panels at conventions). I know we are, seemingly, wired to compare ourselves to our peers, to see where we are on "The Ladder," but that's an unhealthy attitude to take, and frankly in a business as subjective as writing (or any art / entertainment career), it's down right silly.

Don't be silly.

Here Endeth the Lesson

Comments

[songwind.livejournal.com]

Your moral amuses me, and reminds me of a sign my dad keeps at his workbench at work.

It says, "Remember what Anita said." What my mother said was, "Go to work. Keep your mouth shut! Then come home." It was in response to a rather amusing but also advancement damaging story I will tell you in person some time.

The wives, they are wise.

[kmarkhoover.livejournal.com]

I gauge myself by whether or not I am making progress year to year. Some years this progress can be incremental: did I made significant networking contacts with editors/agents, write stories that came close to breaking a market, or whatever. Some years I make really good progress: first novel sale, SFWA member, whatever.

My point being that for myself as long as I'm making progress I'm okay. Now, it's true about a month or so ago I decided I want to ramp things up a notch and see if I can't increase my progress rate. But the general theme still holds true for me: am I making mneasurable progress?

Are you making progress? Okay, you haven't been as successful as you want, but are you still on the rise or spinning your wheels or falling back?

Finally, be brutal with yourself. Take a look at your work, see what's working, stop doing what's not. I like your idea of not writing something just because WotF anthology would look more kindly to it. I NEVER write for a market...mainly because I'm incapable of it. I've tried, it doesn't work for me. I write the story first, marketing it comes second. You are so right this is a subjective profession. I think if most newish writers realized HOW subjective they would probably bail out quicker than most of them do already. You only have to walk down the SF/F aisle in a bookstore to realize how subjective it is. Or any other genre aisle, for that matter.

I don't mean to ramble. But I am sympathetic to your views in your post because I've felt it in myself, too. May not help alleviate your concern, but I do know what you mean by this post.

[silk-noir.livejournal.com]

Auughhhhh.

Yes.

[ckastens.livejournal.com]

Wise words!

[ajjones.livejournal.com]

Gawd, I go through this frequently. And my spouse is the one that talks me down, reminds me why I'm doing it. It's hard to recapture that freedom of just writing once we're exposed to the squirmy underbelly of the business side of things, which is inevitable as we progress. And because we don't get a pat on the head or a regular paycheck at the end of the week...it's a loooong haul. I've done the whole taking stock that you're talking about. "Look at me! At this for years with nothing to show, growing cobwebs for Christ sakes!" So yeah. This is more of an 'I get that, man' comment than a helpful, 'buck up little camper' comment. I think we all question what the HELL we're doing this for.

[jdawson001.livejournal.com]

How many of my OWW "cohorts" had fallen by the wayside, given up, stopped writing?

Too many...

I haven't exactly fallen by the wayside, given up, stopped writing, but I haven't been working toward a specific goal, either. I've been so focused on the editing side of my life, the writing has fallen short. I've been teaching more, leading some focus groups for OWW, running Flash Me Magazine for the last 5+ years, and managing a family, but the writing has been abysmal.

I entered the ABNA and didn't make it into the top 500. I had two publications last year, one paid, one not. Nothing major, but I haven't exactly been trying, either. I've been joking around that my muse is dead and that I'm trying to find a new one.

I have been keeping up with your successes, though, and I think you have reasons to be proud. You've done a great deal, your name is out there, and you may not be award-winning yet, but that doesn't mean everything.

Perseverance my friend. Keep at it.

And I do hope our paths will cross in person one day because I look forward to meeting you...

Jenn

[materia-indigo.livejournal.com]

Hmm ... you've only been submitting to commercial markets since 2003? I've been submitting fiction to commercial markets since 1988 (scored that first "honorable mention in WotF in 2001), and you've made many many more sales than I have. It took me ten years to make my first sale. This is a long long game. Put your energy into finding your stories.

[cadithial.livejournal.com]

Just out of pure dumb curiousity, have you ever considered writing for the gaming industry?

[marydell.livejournal.com]

I sent them an urban fantasy noir story with a blind lesbian mage-detective protagonist.

You ROCK.

[ken-schneyer.livejournal.com]

From where I sit, the semifinalist thingy looks shiny and new -- but that's because, for me, it is shiny and new. (And the rewrite based on K.D.'s comments broke the stories? Oy, that's discouraging.)

The comparison-to-others, comparison-to-goals thing sounds a little midlife-crisis-ish. The question is, must be, is the writing rewarding in and of itself?

OWW

[cloudscudding.livejournal.com]

I just joined OWW and loaded up my first sub (A chapter 3/4 of the way through a novel, just to really test them. Or, um, something.).

Any advice? Are you still active there?

[joelarnold.livejournal.com]

Wise words, Michael! I often feel like I'm 'getting behind' fellow writers, but you're right -- that shouldn't be what dictates my joie de vive.

[queenofillusion.livejournal.com]

Know exactly what you mean. I look at other established nonfic writers in my field and I feel...hey, the vast majority out there into paganism know their names, but very few know mine. This was hammered home at a con I went to when some authors had 200-300 people show up to see them.

However, at the same con, a guy came up to me in the dealer's room and told me how much he loved my book and, later, I saw him point me out to a friend of his all excited and the like. I met some other great up-and-coming authors and all I can think is to keep plugging away. The point for me is NOT to become a Big Name and makes lots of money, though, but for what I have to say to be able to reach out and, hopefully, inspire others in their path.

Is your goal to tell good stories and touch people...or is it to get a name and make money? Not that its not nice to be able to make a few dollars (I put any I make back into going to events and paying for a website) along the way, but what is you aim to do? If you want to be able to make a living off writing, that's cool...but I know how hard that is and how long it can take. I have a friend who writes sf/fantasy for a living and even after a dozen novels she still wonders from year to year if she will have to go out and get another job.

But I also TRY (at least) to remind myself about how many other folks I know who talk about writing and never finish anything or get anything published.

So, I guess we're both still somewhere in the middle...not KNOWN per se, but having actually Gotten Things Done. :)

Veronica

[darkwolf58.livejournal.com]

I am so bad about comparing myself to others. I'm all waaaaahhhh they're good and I suck! They write more than I do! I'm so lazy!

What you say about people giving up and/or not producing is very true. I may be slow. Very, very slow, but I do keep going. I have to keep reminding myself that a little bit is better than nothing.

I keep forgetting to say this, but I read Shimmers & Shadows and I really like it. I've read "Rainfall" before and I liked it just as much the second time. "Poor Mesk" stood out for me cuz I loves me some revenge. That last line is awesome.

You're good. You WILL break through.

[dmbaird.livejournal.com]

I get a double whammy, being both a writer and an artist. I get two fields in which to feel inadequate! :)

All kidding aside, when it comes to fellow writers and artists that I have watched succeed, I'm just happy to cheer for the ones that I know and/or whose writing I enjoy.

I only get the snarky feeling when I see a coached five-year-old with a gallery show in NY, or a poorly-written piece of junk become a best-seller because the author slept with Paris Hilton's third cousin. That's when I confess to doing a little fist-shake at the universe.

[ccfinlay.livejournal.com]

Great post. I think it's hard to be honest about some of these things, especially in public. As writers, it's foolish to compare ourselves to other writers -- there's always somebody doing better in some category than we are -- but all of us do it. It's important to admit how silly it is.

OWW was absolutely critical for me, but it is for writers at a certain point in their development. After that point, you need to find your crits and your push elsewhere. Still, I sent in my membership money this year just because I feel like I owe the place for helping me get to where I am.

And congratulations, not on being a semi-finalist, but on reaching the point where you know your own goals and keep on writing. That's a cool thing.