The Journal of Michael Merriam

No fiction writing yesterday. Instead the day was spent cleaning house and doing other domestic chores. I also played on Live Journal too much, and I read a little of De Lint's Angel of Darkness, one of his early horror books that I recently found. I've been poking at it for awhile now, picking it up, reading a few pages, and then going off to do something else. I also practiced with the bass guitar and brushed out Reverend Selena's fur. Did a little research about modern paranormal investigators, listened to some music, sang (off-key) to the cat, and cooked a pot of homemade chicken and rice soup for dinner. In fact, I did a little of everything, except write.

But I did think about writing, and storytelling, and my works in progress in particular. I also thought about some of the things you come across on a regular basis in fantasy storytelling, and I came to a decision.

We all know how in many secondary world fantasy trilogies there always seems to come a part in the story where the stereotypical princess/virgin/choirgirl/milk maid of destiny/redheaded stepdaughter/girl-who-works-at-taco-hut type gets herself kidnapped. She is, without fail, beautiful, with long gorgeous locks, usually blonde (but sometimes redheaded, or raven haired. They never seem to be brunettes), a face like one of Botticelli's angels, and a figure that makes the males around her unable to think clearly due to blood flow problems. She's innocent, somewhat child-like, naive to a fault, and a helpless pawn in the foul machinations of the Evil Villain(s).

Snort.

This is my promise to you. Should I ever write a secondary world fantasy novel (okay, fine, when I write a secondary fantasy world novel. Now stop laughing), my evil villain is going to kidnap someone along the lines of, say, The Hag of Kilmara. I don't even know who The Hag of Kilmara is (except that she will be a brunette), or why on earth the villain would want to kidnap her, but there you go. In fact, the villain might wish to whatever it is he worships that he hadn't kidnapped The Hag of Kilmara, but he's going to, because damn it, someone besides a stupid, vapid, unbelievably gorgeous (teenage boy's idealized dream) fantasy girl deserves to get properly kidnapped once in a while in a fantasy novel.

While I'm breaking long established rules for secondary world fantasy novels, I think I'll allow my characters to engage in meaningful sexual relationships. There will be female characters who are more than two-dimensional damsels in distress, or pure, perfect, warrior virgins, or evil sorceress who don't dress for the prevailing wintry conditions. And I'll make sure my world has a real working economy, complete with crop failures and revolting peasants. Military commanders will understand basic logistics, such as the need for a supply train and how to properly defend it. And the villain had better have a way to pay and feed his vast legions of doom and...

Okay, you get the idea. I'll stop ranting and go sit over here in the corner and work on my novel now.

Grump grump grump

Peas Out
Michael