The Journal of Michael Merriam

Today went much better. I spent the morning mapping out how to make my way to State Services for the Blind by bus, and checking to see just how much my textbooks books were going to cost. After that, I went into Domestic God Mode, doing such exciting things as laundry, dishes, running the swiffer over the floor, cleaning in the bathroom, and brushing out the cat.

By noon I was sitting in my new little office, staring at the blank monitor. I don't plan to start rewrites on Old Blood's Fate until next Wednesday, so I needed something else to do.

I spent the afternoon deciding which markets to inflict which of my stories on. I'm all set. I want to read each manuscript over once, checking for stray typos and such, and then out the door they go.

All ten of them.

Possibly thirteen, if I bite the bullet and untrunk some pieces. Fifteen if the wielder of the Red Pen of Doom can manage to find time to work over a couple of my pieces.

Plus, I have the next market lined up for the one piece I have out, should it come home rejected. I expect to hear something about it on late August.

It's not so much marketing I'm about to do, as it is a full-court press. I'm submitting everything I have finished, except the novel, even if I don't think there is anyway on God's Green Golf Ball that it will sell. Because really, what do I know? So I'm just going to chuck them all out there and hope one or two stick.

Lots of manuscripts going out in August. This probably means lots of rejection in November and December.

Happy Holidays, indeed.

In Deep,
Michael

Yes, indeed he does.

I managed to get through New Student Orientation on Monday and Tuesday, a process that seems designed to weed out the weak right away, as Monday went 14 hours long! However, by Tuesday I was registered for classes. I am returning to university after seventeen years.

Highlights of the two days.

Parent orientation was going on at the same time, and I had a very nice woman (who's daughter is an incoming mortuary science major) ask if I was there with my new student. I smiled and told her I was the student. She was silent for a few minutes, but her daughter chuckled.

I was the oldest person in my orientation group (big surprise). I was older than the orientation coordinator. I'm about the same age as my academic advisor.

The one person I really connected with was my academic advisor, who pretty much approved my schedule without question.

New students coming to orientation are required to stay the night on campus, regardless of whether they are squeaky new incoming high schoolers, veteran transfer students, international students, or just really older than everyone else. I got on the bus and went home Monday night. Please, I have a wife, and we've never spent a night apart since our wedding day. I'm not about to let the university interfere with that. Best moment concerning the overnight stay: my advisor, Carol, leaned over to me as we were talking in the hallway in Coffman Union, and whispered in a conspiratorial voice, "So, you're not really staying overnight, are you?"

Every time I told anyone I'm a Comparative Literature and Cultural Studies student, they would look at me in horror and say something like, "But there's so much writing in CLCS!" to which I would smile blissfully and say, "Yeah, I know."

I was about 200 times more prepared than everyone around me. At one point during registration, mortuary science girl looked at me and said, "You're so organized," in a plaintive little voice. An amazing number of people had not even prepared in the most rudimentary way.

Last night careswen slept with a college guy. Go careswen!

Now, I will admit that there is a little part of me that is wondering exactly why I'm going back to university. Honestly, I'm doing what I really want to do (writing) and I have no plans on making a big career change. So why?

I suppose the reasons are varied, but here are a few.

State Services for the Blind expects me to. And since they were good enough to pay for my time at Vision Loss Resources, and since the state is picking up my University bill, well, why not.

Because I want to. I can look at a course catalog and see tons of things I would love to study. I am intensely curious about almost everything (except math) and really, what better place?

Because I can. I've spent a lot of my life not being able to do the things I want for one reason or another, and suddenly I have this big opportunity. I should take it. Having an official piece of paper (or two) from a major university never hurt anyone's life.

That being said, there are some considerations. For instance, if by some fluke of the publishing world I should sell this first novel and sign a deal for another book or two (about as likely as being hit by lightning three times in row, I realize that, but still...), I might stop going to university. Like I said, I'm doing what I want to do with my life (writing) right now. I'm not going to let anything interfere with that.

The current plan is for me to attend classes during fall and spring, after which I will reassess the situation. Is this right for me? For my family (we want to buy a house. Maybe I should be working part-time instead of going to school part-time)? My career goals (is school taking a big chunk out of my writing time? Have I found myself placing my own work on indefinite hold to do assignments and write papers for class)? Is this helping me along or slowing me down? I think two part-time semesters will be a good indicator of how university will affect my life, goals, and work.

So I'm wary, but I'm also pumped. Go small, burrowing rodentia! Er...

In Peace,
Michael

*careswen gets credit for the title of this post. She said it last night in bed. Called me a human interest story, she did. We both had a good laugh.

No new writing since the last time I updated the meter, so no new meter this post. careswen and I plan to brainstorm tonight on a title for that urban fantasy/cyberpunk piece I'm trying to get out the door. I know where the novel is going now, as it turns the corner and I start the second half. The next novel in line keeps yammering for attention, and I've two new short stories waiting to be written. At least that part of life is moving along.

Last night's chicken enchiladas were a big hit. I forget sometimes that I'm a better than average hand in the kitchen. I have Mahi Mahi for tonight, but I haven't decided how to cook it. I might fire up the grill. I might poach it, cut it into little cubes, and toss it in pasta.

I think I have everything I need to take the math placement test. I've reviewed up to the last point I can actually remember previously leaning anything, and I suspect it won't do me much good anyway. I'm already tired and resentful of the placement test taking up time I could be writing, so screw it, I'm taking it on Wednesday and getting it over with.

I'd take it tomorrow, but tomorrow is That Day, and I suspect I might not be in a good place to take a test. I've been thinking a lot about That Day ten years ago, and the weeks afterward. I wish I wouldn't, but the brain has other ideas. I plan to ignore the news tomorrow. I might try to write. I might sit very still in a chair and stare off into space. I might pet the cat. I might wax the ceiling. I might talk to you about it.

But I won't be taking a test.

In Deep Peace
Michael

Progress Report:

The Novel In Need Of A Title

58,347 / 120,000 (48.0%)

I allowed myself the day to write, since I finished reviewing the pre-algebra unit last night. Next week I'll review in basic algebra and geometry, and hopefully take the placement test on Friday. I spoke to my State Services for the Blind Counselor, and she reassured me that SSB would pick up any fees and books that I couldn't cover with an aid grant or tuition waiver, so I won't need to take out loans for university.

Today's writing, while it came easy, was at the same time a hard and dreadful thing. I care about my characters, and I did some pretty horrific things to a couple of them today.

Betrayal. Treachery. Possession. Abuse. Insanity. Squicky Sex. Death.

I feel unclean. Seriously unclean.

As I near the halfway point, the table is pretty much set. The players on all sides are in position to start hurtling toward the endgame. Just a couple of more little things to set up. I need to go back and hook my police sergeant into Jack's plot line a little deeper. I need to foreshadow Kelly's heritage a little more (I almost felt sorry for Mora, one of my villains. She has no idea what she's gotten into with Kelly. Then the squicky sex happened, and I stopped feeling sorry for Mora).

Then it's time to unleash the hounds and let the plot start to resolve. I have a nasty feeling there will be a high body count before it's all over.

In the meantime, I need a shower. I feel dirty.

Michael

Chizine is closed to submissions until March 2006. Realms of Fantasy and Analog are both overbooked and buying few pieces. Weird Tales and the other DNA publications still haven't gotten their collective acts together, though they are publishing again. Black Gate lost a chunk of it's e-mails. Alchemy and Amazing have both suspended publication.

These are hard times to be a short story writer.

But all you can do is send them out and hope for the best.

Today's update on The Nameless Novel

55,500 / 120,000 (46.0%)

You will note that this is not a big improvement over yesterday. Well, don’t expect any huge daily gains for awhile, because I need to spend the next few weeks getting ready to return to university this fall.

I received the letter from the University of Minnesota today. I'm in. So the next few weeks will be spent lining up ducks and herding cats and such. So there's the happy news. Yay me!

However (and you knew there had to be a however), because I've been out of college for 16 years, they want me to take a Math Placement Test. I looked over the sample questions they sent me, and came to the cold hard realization that I don't remember any algebra at all. Not even enough to simplify an equation.

F*@#.

And I have to take the test by May 1st.

So instead of writing, I'll be spending the next two weeks reviewing in mathematics during the day. Thank whatever Deity you want for Math.com, which has a ton of review material. I also need to refresh myself on how to use my TI-85. At least I still have the manual

I might get some writing done at night, but I'm not counting on it.

At least our taxes are done.

In Peace
Michael

Today was graduation from Vision Loss Resources. It felt strange and melancholy to me, though I think I hid it well. I've spent six months going there nearly every day, and now it's over.

It felt odd listening to all the counselors and teachers talk about how much they enjoyed having me around, or what a good student I was, how much fun it was to work with me, or how I always helped the other clients in anyway I could manage. It's hard for me to take a compliment, I never feel like I really deserve it. But I smiled, and joked, and was gracious, because I know they really meant what they said, and it means a lot to me. I'd like to think that not only did I take away so much, but that I gave something in return.

I know I'll be back. There was a large group of us that came in together, and I plan to be there when they graduate. I might even do some volunteer work for the community outreach program, or join the dart league (blind people throwing sharp pointy objects. It doesn't get any better).

I know I'll miss VLR. I'd like to think I'll be missed in return.

Now on to the rest of my life, whatever that may be.

In Deep Peace
Michael

I think I'm finally recovered from the family visit over the long Labor Day weekend. Of course, the short week felt much longer than it was.

Things are about to change again at school. Come the end of the month I will be finished with woodworking, cyberlab, and mobility. So, starting on the 27th, I will be changing student status yet again, from part-time to special component, and going in six hours a week to finish Braille. The projected end date is for the last week in October, but could happen sooner (or later) depending on how long it takes me to get up to reading at the target speed.

The adirondack chair came home last week and is a big hit. careswen used it last week when we went outside to eat dinner. She says it is very comfortable and is pleased with it. I'm glad my workmanship turned out so well.

Two rejections so far this month, both hard on the heels of the rather difficult family visit. It was not what I wanted to receive at an already low point, but what can you do. One of my stories will be turned right back around and sent out. The other will get looked at carefully before returning to circulation. Stopping By is three quarters of the way done. I plan to finish Stopping By, then get back on Move Along Home, assuming the new shiny short story about a cat who steals a little girls magic doesn't distract me too much. I'm about 2000 words into that bit of newness, nearly half finished.

So many projects, so little time to write.

Up on the U of M campus it is the first week of school, and it is a wonderful mix of people. Pagan Pride, Gopher football, Women for Kerry for President, and a wedding all converging on Coffman Memorial Union. I love the swirling chaos (feed the writer's brain, FEED THE WRITER'S BRAIN!) We have seen lots of old friends, and it is a chance for me to see more of the campus I will be attending classes at come 2005. I can't wait to get restarted at school next year.

Until next time
In Peace
Michael

And so a hectic and fun filled weekend ends. I still had not completely recovered from my first trip to the Minnesota State Fair on Thursday, when out to karaoke we went on Friday. I did sing. No, really I did. I have now sung karaoke and that's that. There is a reason I play Bass Guitar. I can't carry a tune in a basket with handles. Yet oddly enough, I wasn't the worst singer there by any stretch. Meanwhile, the lovely careswen did a smoldering rendition of Peggy Lee's Fever. She had an admirer or two after that. We didn't get home until after two in the morning.

Saturday we tried to start getting ready for the impending visit of careswen's mother and brother next Friday. Then a group of us went to see King Arthur at the discount theatre in Hopkins. I tried very hard to refrain from criticizing both military tactics and the idea of what Arthur and his knights were as presented in the movie (and Gwenhwyfar a Woad? What?). Basically it was a decent action movie, kind of The Seven Samurai with a round table. After the movie, the six of us went for coffee and chatted, and when the coffeehouse closed, we retired to Merriam Manor for Vienna Roast coffee and fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookies. Again, well past two in the morning before we crawled into bed.

Then today it was an afternoon cookout with some people from Vision Loss Resources. The conversation was stimulating, the food fantastic, and the company good. When we got home at five in the afternoon careswen and I both fell on the bed and lay there for about an hour.

A very good weekend indeed. I need to go to bed now.

In Peace
Michael

Vision Loss Resources took the clients on a field trip to the State Fair today. I admit that I wasn't terribly interested in going. I've been to the State Fair back in Oklahoma many times, and you can only look at so much livestock before you start to lose interest. I'm mean really, I grew up in the great bloody middle of nowhere (actually I grew up one town over from Nowhere, Oklahoma. Population: 12), I know livestock, I don't need to see them at a Fair. I know there is nothing cute about a cow.

Yet somehow, despite being the old grumpy-butt that I am, I still managed to have fun. For one thing, Minnesota's State Fair has streets and sidewalks, which is easier for the visually impaired people to get around on. Livestock areas a clearly marked as such, and seemed to be kept as reasonably clean as is possible, considering the number of animals on display, and the amount of waste the animals produce. I was asked several livestock related questions by my compatriots, which I answered as best as I could. I made friends with a couple of different horses. It was okay.

But the food, oh my, the food. Minidonuts. I now understand what all the fuss is about. I saw deep fried Twinkie on a stick, but passed it up. In fact I had nothing on a stick. I had minidonuts, onion rings, a bratwurst, and a brownie. No sticks involved. The entertainment was okay, and I got to see a country singer my grandparents liked, a fellow named Leroy Van Dyke, so that proved a nice piece of nostalgia.

It was a good day.

In other news, Stopping By is about half finished. I plan to be done in the next week if at all possible. Move Along Home is still stalled, but I think I know what I want to do next. In industry news I hear that Amazing, after only one issue since its re-launch, is already looking for a new Editor-in-Chief. I wonder what happen there.

Well, enough for now.

In Peace
Michael

I know I'm getting close to finishing my rehab program at Vision Loss Resources. It is taking all my discipline to keep myself on track and not start looking ahead. At least not too far ahead. I need to keep my focus on closing the deal in Braille and Mobility. I want to be done. And I don't.

I'm going to miss dreadfully the other people there, and I hope I can manage to carry some of the friendships I've made at VLR into the future. It has been a remarkable and positive experience to study with and socialize with other Visually Impaired people. To be surrounded by a large group of people who are in the same situation I am has done wonders for my confidence and self-esteem.

The target for completion is the end of September, but it is possible I could be finished in as little as three weeks.

I'm glad I enrolled in the program. I'm glad it's almost done.