Balance

Feb. 13th, 2009 03:56 pm
mmerriam: (Born)
[personal profile] mmerriam
I'm celebrating the new One Year Closer to Balance holiday by casting aside my (admittedly already trashed) internet sabbatical, because my (almost non-existent) sabbatical was, it turns out, mostly about finding balance. It was about balancing the time I spend on the internet against writing, housework, and other personal needs.

Although I did not completely withdraw from the internet, I did cut back enough to make some serious realizations. The first thing I discovered was that, after being away from them for a couple of days or more, there were places on the internet--networking sites, webcomics, blogs, and others--that I did not miss. After consideration, I realized I was still visiting these sites out of habit and nothing more. I had once enjoyed them, but now they are just time-sucking wastes of my day. They have been set aside.

I found that I had become compulsive in checking Gmail / Live Journal / Facebook / MinnSpec Forums: So much so that it was interfering with my writing time. I've decided next week to start a schedule (schedules, it seems, are becoming a very important part of my life) where I will visit these places for an hour in the morning, an half-hour over lunch, and an hour in the evening. That's still 2.5 hours allotted for these sites, which I think is more than enough time. I did find that I missed LJ, and when things became difficult this week with Reverend Selena's situation it was nice to come here and get some extra emotional support from my friends. Live Journal has been very good to me, and I won't give it up. I will, however modify my usage of it to better manage my time. Balance. It's all about balance.

I'm also working on balancing the needs of my writing life against the needs of my personal life against the needs of my own sanity. I'm going to talk more about this latter in another post, but I think one of the reasons I've slowed down in my writing is, I've let too much of the noise on the writing-related blogs, forums, and websites I frequent get into my head. Too much snark, and too much anger. Too much snobbery and tearing down. Too many otherwise fine writers, editors, and agents forgetting where they came from, and that we all had to start somewhere. Too much forgetting that everyone begins as a beginner. Too much of me worrying about what other people think and being told what a story should and shouldn't be, what it is and isn't. Just…too much. I lost my way for a time, let those self-appointed arbitrators of what is and is not "Good Fiction / Writing" get into my head, which is one of the dangers of being deeply immersed in these writing-related places. I had to get away, reset, and remember why I write. I had to remember that at the core of it all, I write for myself.

I find myself trying to mentally balance the cold hard truth that--no matter how hard I work--it is quite likely I will never ever never find even a little success (financial or otherwise) in this business against the deep pathological need to write, to tell stories, to create (hopefully) entertaining fictions for the amusement of readers. And I'm searching to find a good balance between my desire to pursue writing as a career and the needs of my family. Despite some decent sales, I'm making no money to speak of, and [livejournal.com profile] careswen is going to need to start her internship soon. Given my physical limitations and the current economic climate, I've pretty much come to the hard realization that finding employ in a "classic" workplace environment is unlikely, so I need to focus on finding more freelance work. I've been doing blurb and copy writing coupled with a little freelance editing, and found I enjoy it. I'd like to find more work like this, maybe add in some freelance researcher / fact checker-for-hire work as well. Add in the situation with the Reverend Selena, and finding a way to balance my nascent writing career against my personal responsibilities in order to maintain a stable home life is paramount.

There could be more to this, but I think you get the idea. Now, I'm going to go have dinner and then I'm going to work on a story. Thus ends the (greatly abbreviated) sabbatical.

Date: 2009-02-13 10:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrissa.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2009-02-14 02:01 am (UTC)

great minds think alike

Date: 2009-02-13 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kmarkhoover.livejournal.com
"I'm also working on balancing the needs of my writing life against the needs of my personal life against the needs of my own sanity."

Funny, I'm going to blog kind of about the same topic, too, at a later date.

Re: great minds think alike

Date: 2009-02-14 02:02 am (UTC)
ext_87310: (Stories)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
I'll look forward to it!

Date: 2009-02-14 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hkneale.livejournal.com
As an apprentice, one searches out the writing groups and blogs and sites in hopes of learning more about the craft. And indeed, one does.

As a journeyman, one realises that one knows enough to be "good enough". At this point, one realises that the more one trawls, the less one comes across the "I didn't know that" stuff. It is at this point that the journeyman must withdraw from the groups and blogs and sites and go find a lonely garret wherein to practice with one's newfound tools.

At this point, isolation and self-focus is a good thing.

Then there comes a point in the journeyman's life where they realise they are not a master, and so they return to public life. At least now they know what they are looking for.

But if you're not quite there yet, it's okay.

Me, I used to spend hours online. My jobs allowed me to do that. Now, I've got far too much happening in my life to be able to do that. Two and a half hours would be an extravagance for me at this point. I'm lucky to get on every other day, and even then, if I get a whole hour, that's a lot.

Still, I manage. You will too.

Date: 2009-02-14 02:07 am (UTC)
ext_87310: (Stories)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
That's excellent insight! I think I am at that journeyman's stage. I know I'm competent--at times even good--at what I do (interspersed with plenty of suck)and I'm trying to refine the tools I have before searching out--well, I guess a master-level class/workshop/education would be the best description.

Date: 2009-02-14 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mnfaure.livejournal.com
Glad to have you back. As a fan of the semi-sabbatical, I see why you went away for awhile and why you felt ready to return ahead of schedule.

Balance is what I'm always seeking, too, and schedules, I find, are the way for me to go to maintain it. If I only make a mental resolution, I don't get very far.

Date: 2009-02-14 05:25 pm (UTC)
ext_87310: (Pen)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
It was good to get away for a bit. I needed to step back and let the noise of the internet stop buzzing in my head so I could sort myself out again.

Date: 2009-02-14 09:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catephoenix.livejournal.com
I'm aware I need to cut down on my internet time, and I hope to put it into practice soon.

Date: 2009-02-14 05:26 pm (UTC)
ext_87310: (Born)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
It's all about finding the balance that works for you!

Date: 2009-02-14 03:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maryjdal.livejournal.com
Nice post. I think I'll start working on balance too. There is a number of places I could start --

Date: 2009-02-14 05:26 pm (UTC)
ext_87310: (Stories)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
Good luck!

Date: 2009-02-14 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] careswen.livejournal.com
You've posted before about how you let the noise get into your head and drag your writing down. As your loving wife, I have one simple suggestion: Cut it out.

If something doesn't lift you up, it has no place in your life. We have to remind each other of this occasionally.

Date: 2009-02-14 08:44 pm (UTC)
pjthompson: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pjthompson
Amen on all accounts. I'm struggling with many of these same issues and doing to deep reassessment. It's nice to see someone express so eloquently these things that have been jumbling in my head. I think I let the "voices" kill the momentum on my 90% done novel and I've also taken some time off to reset. Good luck on your search for balance and setting priorities. All the best to you.

Date: 2009-02-16 03:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jeustr.livejournal.com
Hi, my name is Asani. I just finished reading Shimmers and Shadows. I just wanted to tell that while I have previously never been a fan of short stories - yours seriously rocked my socks off! Melpomene Run has such a great twist!!! I LOVE the way it plays out. You manage to squeeze a novels worth of interest into so few pages. I am completely hooked into the characters from the get go and even when the ending are sad I'm just so impressed with the ride! And it starts out with such an impressive and unique opening story too! I think that was what largely sucked me in to start with. The Foundling was SO COOL! And such a great way of looking at things and dare I say it again? SO COOL!!! lol
I am soooo pleased that you are continuing Rija's tale. I promise I will be ready and waiting to purchase it the minute it hits the shelves. I had planned to come here and beg you to continue her story but was so happy to see that you had plans for it already! SQUEE!!
And it was so great that you continued the characters through so many of the stories! Each time I encountered them I was thrilled to no end to see what happened to them later. And Jenny's magic? Awesome and inpiring! I had two kitties in my lap as I read that one and I eyed them very carfeully afterwards. lol. Anyway - I just want to say you've seriously impressed me and have earned a spot on the bookcase I reserve for authors I prize and track. I am a book junkie so for me that's saying something! ::squishes you with the hugs:: Big thanks to xjenavivex for turning me onto you! I will be posting rave reviews about your book on my journal later today!

Date: 2009-02-16 04:15 pm (UTC)
ext_87310: (Stories)
From: [identity profile] mmerriam.livejournal.com
Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm really pleased and humbled that you enjoyed the stories: Hearing back from readers makes me happy and makes all the work worthwhile!

Anytime I have a story in an online magazines I post links here in my blog, so I'm easy to keep track of.

Thank you again for the kind words. When a reader tells me they enjoyed my stories, it really does make my day (or week, or month).

Cheers,
Michael

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