The Journal of Michael Merriam

My membership with the Online Writer's Workshop expires on Sunday.

I'm not going to renew.

There are a variety of reasons for this, starting with the not inconsequential financial ones, but the primary reason I'm leaving is simply that I'm not using it anymore.

( OWW and Novel in 90 thoughts )

So I had this car.

No wait, that's Larry Dixon's opening line.

So I belong to this workshop.

The Online Writer's Workshop is a damned fine organization. I've always felt it well worth the money. What the workshop has done for me is exactly what matociquala has told people it will do for you. It turned me into a solid, competent semi-pro in a short period of time. For that, I will be eternally grateful. But try as I might, hard as I work, I haven't been able to make the next level.

Now, I'm not saying that's the workshops fault. Skill level jumps are pretty much up to the writer and how hard he works. But I also feel that, at this point, I need something the workshop can't always give me. Consistency of critique. It is both the OWW's greatest strength and weakness that anyone can leave a crit and you can leave a crit for anyone. That means sometimes I'm left with crits from people who I have no idea who they are and (and this is the important part) if I can trust them. For a time I was in a circle of people exchanging crits, and I developed a great amount of trust in them, but that seems to have slowly fallen by the wayside, and that's as much my fault as anything.

Recently I've taken part in the Twin Cities Speculative Fiction Writers Network writing workshop, organized by the wonderful and highly capable wordswoman. I observed a round and I took part in a second round. It works fine, and there was some excellent advice given. The group is smaller than the OWW, of course, and full of working pro's and semi-pro's. We also have several graduates (or survivors) of the major workshops, such as Clarion and Odyssey.

But I still felt like something was missing. Again, this is likely more me than anything, and I plan to keep taking part in this group. I worry about that whole consistency thing, and if I will mesh with these folks over a long period of time.

The one nice thing about an online workshop is that you can't see your executor's face. That gives you time to lick your wounds and be objective about what they said.

However, the TCSFWN group seems like my best option for a face-to-face group, at the moment. I like the idea of getting critiques from other writers who have reached where I am trying to go. It could be that, since I've only been to two sessions, I haven't yet developed a feel for it. I know I felt like I gave some of the worst crits ever during the last meeting, and that was my fault. I was under-prepared because I did not decide if I was going until the last possible minute.

I suppose what I really want is a smallish group of the exact same people. I want to build relationships and trust with them as a writer and critiquer. I want a group of consistent individuals who I can meet with once or twice a month for tea and bloodshed.

Want, want , want.

1200+ new words on the novel.

The writing is on the wall, literally, as eight-year old Fay tells us her tale in interludes between the main chapters, scratching her story with a stolen pencil on the walls of her room.

I just finished "Into the Equation."

It is 2400 words long.

It is Science Fiction.

It is the most polished first draft I've ever written.

I plan to post to OWW tonight or tomorrow.

We will see how well it survives in the wild.

A Song In Her Hair is up on OWW collecting reviews, including a really good one from raecarson that hits the biggest problem this piece has squarely on the head. Luckily, it's nothing that means the story is broken, just a little something I need to fix in re-write.

Have I told you guys how much I like being on OWW? I do, especially since I've fallen in with a group of people I exchange reviews with on a regular basis.

I still have not written any new words on the novel. Instead I'm trying to plot and plan exactly what's going to happen here in the last third of the thing. Except I can't seem to make any decisions. I understand my character motivations; I know where the story is going, even how it's going to basically end. I suppose I should just do what I've done so far; string the words together and see what happens. It's worked for the last 85,000 words. I'm just afraid it won't work for the last 35,000 or so.

In other news, the family is coming up from Oklahoma on Friday. Expect little posting news after about Wednesday. I've been doing some cleaning today while careswen and akillianna are out shopping for a bridesmaid dress.

Well, I need to go, Reverend Selena is molesting R2-D2.

In Peace
Michael

Busy weekend. Several of us gathered at S&D's house for conversation and a round of Citadels Friday night. We enjoyed ourselves, even though the game took way longer than we thought it would.

Saturday careswen and I went to the Twin Cities Speculative Fiction Writers Meetup at Betsy's Back Porch. It was a good sessions, and it was wonderful to see porphyrin come for the first time. We had an experimental "Child Friendly Meetup," with porphyrin and Hilary Moon Murphy both bringing their children. It went well; the kids were not a distraction at all. I'd like to thank the young lady (whose name I cannot remember) who helped watch the kids. Jason Wittman (it was partially a party to celebrate Jason's recent string of sales) read from a published work. It was a nice Meetup (the highest attendance yet) and we had good conversation, both directed and informal. The only caveat is that Betsy's can be a little loud. And hey, allochthon, I plan on reviewing your story on The Online Writing Workshop.

Saturday night we went over to E&J's, where careswen and E discussed some up coming stuff for E&J's wedding, then we settled in and played a round of Munchkin Bites. We were going to play a round of Apples to Apples, but time ran out on us.

Today is just a day for resting. I've haven't slept well the last several night, and it's starting to catch up on me. So back to doing as little as possible.

M

The show at First Ave last night was a lot of fun. The staff did a decent job of taking care of the visually impaired guy. There are a few suggestions I can make to the management, and I will, but all in all they did a good job of accommodation.

My favorite part of the Boiled in Lead show was when Adam and Todd took turns singing lines to Hard Times. Priceless. And watching the crowd on the dance floor try to bunny hop when the boys were wound up and playing at full speed was a riot.

Out Among The Singing Void is almost ready to go. careswen, porphyrin, jmeadows, and others on OWW gave me the crits I needed to bang this sucker into shape, and allochthon made the final couple of pieces click into place today. I need to go re-write it once I'm done here, then off to Writers of the Future next week. Oh yeah, I think it needs a new title. I hate coming up with titles, but there it is.

A Hot Cup At The Last Station needs some prodding and poking and hammering, but I think the basis is solid, and the critters are handing me great feedback. I'll need to get out some crits next week by way of thanks.

And I need to finish The Nameless Novel, because the next novel in line is whispering seductively in my ear. I must resist. I must...

In Peace
Michael

I have Middle of the Novelitis at the moment. I'm hating the stupid book and struggling to push through to the other side. I know there is an other side, because I can see it. But there are several thousand words that I need to wade through to get to it.

I know I'll start liking the novel again eventually. If not today, then surely by tomorrow. Until then, I suppose I'll have to push and pull and battle with it, as I refuse to surrender. I still managed to get over 500 words today, even though I'm being cranky and irritable about it. I'm sure I'll get more words written later.

I have two stories up on The Online Writing Workshop. Both have garnered several critiques and reviews, all of which have been helpful, forcing me to look at the stories from a different angle and consider new possibilities. This is a good thing. I plan to submit a new story to workshop next week. I have been reviewing like mad this week, determined to be a good workshop member. Hopefully people are finding my thoughts on their stories as helpful as I am finding their thoughts on mine. I also have three short works lined up for careswen to go over when she has the time.

Okay, enough procrastination for one day. Back to work.

For those of you who are also members of The Online Writing Workshop (OWW) I just posted a fantasy short story called Rainfall to the workshop. I'm using my real name (Michael Merriam) in the directory these days, no longer being a part of Variegated Yarns.

I have been forced to set aside the novel for a few days while I beat Over the Bridge back into shape. careswen handed me the marked up manuscript, which I spent the day making corrections on. For a story that semi-finaled in the Hubbard Contest, it seemed to still need a lot of work. However, that work is finished and I will now pass it back to careswen for one final read through before sending it back out.

I did actually do some work on the novel, setting a couple of scenes and writing a little dialogue. I also started writing the final scene. I may not actually use the scene I write for the end, but it will at least give me something to write toward.

I received another critique on The Foundling yesterday. This one was well written, pointing out things that he liked and thought were well done, as well as things that he thought needed more work. Interestingly enough, it came from the writer who won the Hubbard contest for the quarter I semi-finaled in. Oddly enough, we had written crits for each other on the stories we sent to the contest.

SF writers meetup was last night at Dulono's Pizza. We seem to have developed a good core group in just two meetings. This session was a little more relaxed, as we had met the month before, so we at least knew each other's faces. We discussed projects each of us are working on, including throwing a million ideas at allochthon about the novelette she's writing. We talked about good SF&F books we've recently read. We rambled about things that had nothing to do with writing, and generally got to know each other a little more. I hope that we can continue to attract some new faces every month, but the group that came last night was fun.

One thing did happen that left me thinking about how I present myself to the world.

It was a simple question really. The kind of thing that is asked all the time in polite company. Hilary asked me how I earn my living.

And I froze like a deer in the headlights.

I mumbled something to the effect that I don't anymore, but I go to school. I must have sounded like I was trying to evade the question, and I fear I came across as, at best, a bit unfriendly, and at worst, rude.

Now, I have no trouble talking about my visual impairment. Ask away; I'm happy to answer any question you have. I have absolutely no problem discussing my disability.

But apparently, I have trouble discussing being on disability.

I don't have a real world job anymore. I go to school. I do my rehab training. I write. However, my primary source of income is Social Security. It feels odd to say that though. Like it's something shameful.

I know it isn't. I know that someday I will be back out there working in the real world, because really, how many writers actually live off their writing income?

And I do work. I write. I keep the house. I go to rehab training. Still, there's this implied stigma about not Working, because now you're one of Those People. The ones who take the hard earned tax dollars of the working man as a government handout and give nothing in return. Never mind the twenty-five years of hard work and tax paying I've put in. And what's more, I know that 98% of the problem is in my own little pointed head.

So I want to apologize to anyone if I've ever come across as evasive or rude when asked the "what do you do for a living" question. And please, keep asking me those questions. Keep making me think about how I present myself to the world.

In Peace
Michael

I've almost managed to get over the crud that has me so down the last few days. I managed to drag myself to classes today, though I got there late and left early. My energy is still low, but I'm at least able to function on a nearly normal level again.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I hope to get some writing done, and maybe a couple of other projects. And of course, who can predict what fun and interesting things might crop up all unexpected.

I've managed to get a little writing done over the last few days. Just over 800 words on "Move Along Home" and a couple of paragraphs on "Rainfall" also. Did a little editing work on "The Foundling" and "Darkly Through The Light Waters," one of which will go up on the The Online Writer's Workshop soon. I also need to let careswen have a go with her Red Pen O' Doom ™ at "Into This Land." My goal is to have at least five stories out circulating amoung magazines. I need to get one more out soon to reach that goal.

I drew up an outline to turn "Move Along Home" into a novel. Once I started working on the outline however, the whole thing felt forced. So I finished the outline as a 'just in case' measure, then set it aside. I've decided to just let the story go wherever it plans to go naturally. Sometimes I get all worried about silly things like word count and whether or not a piece is publishable at a certain length. I just have to remember the important thing is the story itself. Word count and publication will take care of themselves down the road if the story is strong enough.

I think that's all I have to say for today, so until we meet again, take care of each other.

In Peace
Michael