The Journal of Michael Merriam

As you would know if you are reading careswen's recent posts, things have been rather hectic on our long weekend. We did get a lot accomplished, and we had a ball of fun along the way. The kitchen is starting to be almost adequate. Almost. And the bathroom has new shelf and counter space, which is a huge plus.

In honor of our anniversary (which was back on the 6th, but we tend to celebrate all month long) I bought careswen a rather large bouquet of flowers, and prepared the exact meal we ate on the night I proposed to her, this time without the ring hidden in a dinner roll. I also bought her The Sims Makin' Magic, as she is a bit of a Sims addict. She's playing it right now. She looks happy.

I still managed to make time for writing, putting in edits on "Over The Bridge", which is now in careswen's hands and at the mercy of the Red Pen of Doom ™. I wrote about 2000 words on "Move Along Home", though today I discovered that half of chapter three really belonged in chapter two, and made adjustments accordingly. This left me with room to introduce a primary character in chapter three I hadn't yet, and let me set some more scenery and mood. "Move Along Home" is now up to about 10,000 words, with another 10,000 written but not yet placed.

I'm seriously enjoying writing a novel now that I've started doing it. I feel like I've got room to run, and run I shall. I am also writing my first true "bad guy" characters, and I'm having a blast. Anytime I need to write a scene with Jeck and/or Mora in it, I put my Adam Stemple CD in and go to town. I'll have to tell Adam he plays great villain writing music; I'm sure he'll get a kick out of it. The Reverend Selena has also been helpful during the early stages of the novel by forcing me to take occasional breaks to pet her, a job she performs with deadly seriousness.

I am also discovering how emotionally wrapped up I can get in the story and characters. Last night I wrote a paragraph about an abused cat one of the characters rescued several years previously to the story, in order to help show what kind of man my police sergeant is. By the time I finished writing about this poor abused animal, I needed to step away from the story and collect myself. I'm such a big softy sometimes.

I'll write more later

Love and Light
Michael

After the wonderful writing day that was Monday, Tuesday was a big old dud. I managed to put together about two paragraphs on "Move Along Home" and no other fiction writing was accomplished.

On a positive note, I managed to do four critiques on the Online Writers Workshop. Then I could not decide between the three short stories I have available to post to OWW. I read all three, and they each seemed to suck. In fact, everything of mine I read on Tuesday sucked. So I wisely decided I wasn't in the best frame of mind, and put everything away.

Tonight I was able to go back and be more objective. I plan to post "The Foundling" tomorrow, then ignore it until next Monday. I also managed to go over "Over The Bridge" and wrote a little more on "Move Along Home." Things are back to normal.

I didn't feel like doing any writing when I got home. What I felt like doing was curling up on the coach and snoozing. Or sitting in the club chair while petting the Reverend Selena. I'm guessing the two hour walk downtown in ninety degree heat probably had something to do with that. I tried to stay hydrated, but I had to be out there on mobility class. Tomorrow should be better weather.

Speaking of classes at Vision Loss Resources, I uttered words today I never thought I would. I walked into Lynn's office and said, "Less cyber, more Braille." I've been coasting along in cyber class, but I came to the realization today that the time spent coasting in cyber would be better spent focusing on Braille, which is my hardest class. It's tough being a reasonable adult sometimes.

Peace, Love, Frisbee Golf,
Michael

A nice day of working on fiction. I started rebuilding "Move Along Home" into a novel, moving text around and adding some scenes. The first two chapters are finished, as is chapter four. Chapter three will be all new text in which I introduced the story's villian, so I'll need to spend sometime working on it. I took my unfinished story "Here the Hunter", a little urban fantasy murder mystery, and used it in the opening chapter of the story.

I received my critique from the Hubbard contest. The person who wrote the crit did a good job. They made four points, two of which I agreed with completely, one of which I understand, though don't completely agree with, and one of which I discarded as useless. I plan to start a re-write tomorrow. careswen threw some good ideas at me after reading the critique, something she is wonderful at. She has also pulled out the Red Pen Of Doom ™ on my story "Into This Land" and started working it over.

In other news, tomorrow is International Science Fiction Writers Meetup Day happening at Chicago Deli, 4810 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis.

See Ya There!

On Sunday I froze up while working on "Move Along Home." I just stopped in the middle of the scene I was writing. I've never done anything like that before.

I had just spent the last several hours hunting the wily be verb in my stories "Rainfall" and "The Foundling". I successfully gunned down a passel of the mangy critters, and managed to force several passive sentences into activity.

Satisfied with the Great Be Verb Hunt, I settled in with "Move Along Home" and a stack of Old 97's CD's. The story has been cruising along, almost up to 12,000 words at this point. Life should be good. Yeah.

So I'm typing along. Jack and Emma are trying to figure out why the Loring Park Squirrels came to Jack's rescue in the previous scene. They're talking about it, and I'm about to have Emma set forth a theory, which will later prove correct.

And I stopped writing.

I've been unhappy with certain things I've done during the writing of this tale. I've been the most unhappy about my tendency to engage in tiny informative pieces of exposition instead of writing the entire scene out. A part of my brain (hereafter called Cautious Brain) has been justifying this by telling me we are doing this to keep the story short and move the plot along. But the longer the story goes on, and the more I use this unsatisfactory device, the more unhappy I grow with Cautious Brain.

The other part of my brain (hereafter called Exuberant Brain) says to throw caution to the wind and go for it. You know you want let the beast lose and see how far it will run. Exuberant Brain then presents me with scenes explaining why Old Man Lobo decided to re-awaken Jack to the Spirit World, the real reasons mind you, not what he's telling Jack. Exuberant Brain says, "Come on Michael, write those scenes, you know you want to."

But Exuberant Brain is the one who gets me in trouble, and makes me write myself into corners. So Cautious Brain says we can't do all that extra stuff, we need to keep the story under control. Cautious Brain says we're not ready to write a novel yet. No matter that Exuberant Brain has some nice ideas.

Then something strange happened. Cautious Brain and Exuberant Brain suddenly went silent, and another voice said, "You know, if you do this one little thing, the whole story works. You would have a full novel with two separate stories that come together. You've done all the back-story in the short pieces you've written. Sure there's a few things to work out, but it is almost all there waiting for you to write it."

I froze. This new voice spoke the truth. But it spoke a truth I am not sure I am ready to hear. I sat staring at the first outline I wrote for a possible novel using the themes from "Move Along Home." And I thought about the other things I would need to pull in. I realized that yes, it was all there. Even a motivation for the two sides to be at odds. And I even had a vague idea about how the two separate protagonists could and would reach the end game, and do what they need to do when they get there.

I sat staring at the laptop like it might grow teeth and rip out my throat. I was scared. I am scared. I have no idea HOW to write a novel. I've never written anything bigger than 15,000 words.

I could just keep writing "Move Along Home" the way it is. I'm good at ignoring the voices in my head (well, sort of). But (you had to know there was a but coming), if I don't do this, then I feel I'm not being true to the story.

Now what do I do?

I feel like such a slacker because it has been almost a week since my last LJ Post. I've just been pressed with things to do and places to be all week.

It was another successful week at Vision Loss Resources. However (and you had to know there was a however coming), I think I'm going to start dropping some of the classes. I want to start later in the morning, say by 10:15 (in time for third period), instead of 8:30. careswen and I both hate getting up at 6:00 in the morning so she can drop me off in time for my forty-minute bus ride into Minneapolis. I like to write in the evenings, and the later I can stay up and work the better (some of my best work happens from about 8pm until about midnight). In order to make this happen, some classes will be dropped after next week.

Recreation and Physical Fitness is the first class to go. Now, you might wonder (reasonably) if this shouldn't be the last class I drop, considering the size of my belly. I am here to tell you that between the hour and a half walk-about they call Orientation and Mobility, and my nice little jaunt home from the bus stop, I am getting plenty of exercise these days. Leisure Ed is also a goner. I have decided that I only need one class where I'm building stuff, and I am keeping woodworking. I promised careswen I would build those adirondack chairs she wants so badly! As for Keyboard, well, I type everyday. I took the class to learn touch typing technique, and the whole "this is home and this is how you reach the other keys" stuck pretty quickly. Given a choice between sitting in the class and type some terrible spy story from the 50's, or staying home and typing on my own works, well, the choice seems obvious. I am also almost done with the Technology Class. I just need to get JAWS for windows at home, and I have requested it. Cooking will probably go also. I plan to prepare one complicated meal under blindfold, then drop the class. I absolutely must keep Braille, Orientation and Mobility, Living With Blindness, and Techniques of Daily Living. I'll probably hang on to Cyber for awhile because using JAWS in an Internet environment is a challenge.

We climbed the Witch's Hat Water Tower last night. There are a lot of steps involved, which should come as no surprise since the structure is one hundred and eleven feet tall. I'm talking narrow stairs that circle the tower, designed with one maintance man and a tool kit in mind, not dozens of curious sight-seerers climbing up and down at the same time. Imagine a large, mostly blind man climbing up and down those stairs. That would be me. The view was worth the climb. Just a stunning view of the city. I also loved Prospect Park, which is a wonderful combination of cultivated areas used for people stuff, and a tangle of wild plant growth that I am sure teems with small critters. I could happily live in that neighborhood. One thing that struck me as we looked down from the tower at the city below was how green the twin cities are. I mean lots and lots of trees.

I managed to get some writing done this week. I put in about three hundred words on "Move Along Home" and five thousand on "Rainfall" on Wednesday alone. Yes, that's right, five thousand words, in one day. Tuesday night I was in the kitchen doing dishes when suddenly I knew exactly where the story was going, and more importantly, how to get there. I jotted down some notes that night, including snippets of scenes I had in my head. Then Wednesday I was sick to my stomach and stayed home. And wrote. A lot. I was on fire. I was golden. It was the perfect day, despite the stomach ick. The best part is, most of it appears to be solid, usable, well constructed text on the first draft. Life Is Good! In other writing news, I plan to send out three stories this week.

Now if you will excuse me, it is the weekend, and since the laptop is, well, on my lap, I should get back to working!

I promise to update more often.

In Peace
Michael

Tomorrow we go to the attorney's office for a telephone hearing before an Administrative Court Judge concerning our ongoing struggle with the Minnesota Department of Employment and Economic Development. The argument is over interpretation of law, and whether I am, or am not, able to work and so eligible for the benefits they paid me. I hope that the Judge will find in our favor, otherwise it is going to be a deep hole to dig ourselves back out of. So, think happy thoughts for me on Monday at 9:45 in the morning.

I didn't send any stories out this weekend because my spouse and editor, the wonderful careswen, is very busy writing her annual LARP. I don't think waiting another week to send a couple of stories out will cause the fall of western civilization as we know it, and I don't think careswen needs anymore distractions, so I'm content to be patient.

I have been working on "Move Along Home," adding another 800 or so words over the last couple of days. The story is rapidly approaching 9000 words. I have also been jotting down notes for the other stories I'm working on, as well as starting to prepare for the panels I am sitting on at CONvergence.

While I am not a big television watcher, I do keep track of a few shows. This season saw the end of four different shows our household watches.

The "Friends" finale was neither bad nor good, it was, sadly, predictable. "Friends" had a long run, but looked awful tired at the end, and the annoying 'rush to the airport to profess my love' scene in the finale simply stunk.

"Frasier" on the other hand, had a much more enjoyable finale. While at moments it seemed a little spastic, part of the show's charm was its French Farce quality. The ending was nicely done, with the title character going off to seek the next stage of his life.

The "Angel" finale left me feeling odd. There was no closure. They might have all died, but we don't know for sure. I hated the way they handled Lorne, but loved the final scene between Wesley and Illyria/Fred. One nice thing about the finale was the clever dialogue sprinkled throughout. I'm still trying to decide on how I feel.

"Andromeda" on the other hand had closure to the max. Yes, they saved the universe from the evil Magog and their giant doomsday worldship, but they all, except for the Dylan Hunt character, died in the end. Every last one of them. And Hunt ended up on a different plane of existence. While this show had plot holes you could fly a starship through, and a mythology so confusing and muddled there was no way you could possibly follow it, I loved the characters and the way they interacted with each other. To have them all die saving a universe full of races that were at best indifferent to them, and at worst hostile, was a brave choice by the writers. That, my friends, is closure. "Andromeda," while not the best SF show to ever grace the small screen, saved its best effort for last.

This doesn't leave us with much TV to watch next season. I still watch "Enterprise," though if it doesn't show improvement next season it may get dropped. "Charmed" continues to be a bit of a guilty pleasure show for me. I try to ignore it, but I always keep one ear open and listening when it's on. I've heard next season is its last. "Joan of Arcadia" is the best new show on the TV in my opinion; we'll see if it continues to be quality in season two. "Tru Calling" is probably getting the ax over the summer. careswen has a couple of shows she watches that I don't, and that's it for us.

But hey, fewer TV shows means more time for writing and reading in the evenings, so I'm not all that bummed.

I've been trying to catch up on my reading, which of course is both good and bad. I have been reading stories by guys like Charles de Lint, Neil Gaiman, Steven Brust, and the late Roger Zelazney, and I am amazed at the story-telling abilities of these authors. It both inspires me to keep creating, and makes me want to toss my laptop out the window in despair. I realize these writers are a ridiculously long yardstick to measure oneself against. I really do. It's just that after reading these guys I always come away feeling like such an amateur. A gifted amateur, but...

Anyway, I've also started Peg Kerr's "The Wild Swans" and I'm getting the feeling, although I'm only a chapter into it, I might in for something special. Once I've finished this book I plan to track down a copy of Pamela Dean's "Tam Lin" and give that a go. We have all these wonderful local authors, and I've been meaning to read their books for forever. Well, there's no time like the present.

I suppose I should go do something useful, like wax the porch, or shave the cat.

In Peace
Michael

I've almost managed to get over the crud that has me so down the last few days. I managed to drag myself to classes today, though I got there late and left early. My energy is still low, but I'm at least able to function on a nearly normal level again.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I hope to get some writing done, and maybe a couple of other projects. And of course, who can predict what fun and interesting things might crop up all unexpected.

I've managed to get a little writing done over the last few days. Just over 800 words on "Move Along Home" and a couple of paragraphs on "Rainfall" also. Did a little editing work on "The Foundling" and "Darkly Through The Light Waters," one of which will go up on the The Online Writer's Workshop soon. I also need to let careswen have a go with her Red Pen O' Doom ™ at "Into This Land." My goal is to have at least five stories out circulating amoung magazines. I need to get one more out soon to reach that goal.

I drew up an outline to turn "Move Along Home" into a novel. Once I started working on the outline however, the whole thing felt forced. So I finished the outline as a 'just in case' measure, then set it aside. I've decided to just let the story go wherever it plans to go naturally. Sometimes I get all worried about silly things like word count and whether or not a piece is publishable at a certain length. I just have to remember the important thing is the story itself. Word count and publication will take care of themselves down the road if the story is strong enough.

I think that's all I have to say for today, so until we meet again, take care of each other.

In Peace
Michael

No school for me today. Last night's storms knocked out the power to the area where my school is located, so classes were called off and everyone was sent home. They actually called me, but by then I was on the bus and all the way to the Uptown station. I rode the rest of the way in, went inside to verify there would be no classes, then caught a bus back home.

I meant to spend the entire day writing, but let the daily ordinariness of life get in the way. I didn't actually sit down to write until almost 1:30. I stopped when careswen got home, and we had some dinner. Then I was off to mow the lawn. Finally I sat down again at around 5:30. I just stopped a few minutes ago at 7:00. I did a quick check and discovered to my pleasant surprise I put down 640 words on "Move Along Home".

I have almost talked myself into going ahead and rewriting the outline and turning this piece into a novel. This makes me happy, because I finally seem to have a novel to write. It also makes me a little sad, because I know that first novels almost never sell, and I think I have a good story. I'll just have to make sure it is a good enough to sell itself to an editor unsolicited when the time comes. I finished the outline for "Rainfall" last night, so I plan to give that story some attention this week, as well as getting either "The Foundling" or "Darkly Through The Light Waters" ready for the workshop.

Busy, busy, busy

Michael

Or at least from the basement. The sirens sounded off moments ago and we are sitting in the basement as a Just In Case measure. There has been a report of a tornado in the Maple Grove area, off to our north. We can actually hear the tornado sirens in the basement because we are so close to a church and school were the sirens are located. The radio is reporting hail, high winds, and the ever popular pea green sky. WCCO radio is keeping us well informed about the situation, so careswen and I are content to ride the storm out in the basement. Even the fuzzy one, Selena, Feline of Doom, is taking the situation reasonably well. She is sitting in her carrier, doing the Zen Kitty thing. We have notepads, a large bottle of water, a cellphone, a battery-powered radio, and a lantern. We can be as patient as necessary.

I managed some nice writing time yesterday. Another 550 words or so on "Move Along Home." The story is pushing 6,000 words now, with a long way to go before the end. Last night I thought of a couple of small sub-plots that would be not only be easy to add but could enhance the story as a whole. I think if this draft goes over 20,000 words, which is a very real possibility, I might re-write the outline to include the possible secondary plots, and use the story as a skeleton and flesh the whole thing out as a full novel. The themes are certainly complicated and rich enough for the full scale treatment. We will just have to see what happens. In other writing related news, "Anansi" is set to go out to Realms of Fantasy this week. I know I've been threatening to send it out for weeks now, but this time I mean it. I have envelopes and stamps at hand on the computer desk upstairs (assuming nothing gets blown away of course).

I also managed to get some work done in preparation of next weekends role-playing game. Just two more sessions remain for our little "Gaslights and Grimoires" mini-campaign. I will be a little sad when it ends; I have enjoyed running a game in an alternative reality version of the British Empire of the late 19th century. My players have been wonderful, and have created a cast of memorable characters that I sincerely hope we can revisit someday. I will also be relieved when it is over. I need a break from designing and running a game. I need to focus my energy on other stuff. I need to set this aside, at least for now.

School is still going well. I have been doing Mobility with the blindfold on, forcing me to travel without using my remaining vision. My instructor took me to the library on the U of M's West Bank, where we went to the corridors under the library and worked on getting around. I'm learning to detect things in my environment with my ears, nose, and sometimes by feeling air currents. I can locate hallways, doorways, stairs, food courts, and vending machines without ever seeing them. I am also learning to keep a map in my head of my location and surroundings at all times.

I'm still coming home worn out, but I refuse to consider dropping any classes until after I've been there a full month. I am going to start participating in group counseling, where there will be guided discussions about living with blindness, and the emotional impact it has on your life.

Well, it sounds like the storms have passed, so back up the stairs I go.

In Deep Peace
Michael

There was good movement tonight on some of my stories. "Move Along Home" started moving along again. I spent about an hour re-reading what I had, making minor adjustments and going over the outline, adding and subtracting things. Then I went back to the story and 600 words wrote themselves in an hour and a half. I was greatly pleased, and left myself with a small cliffhanger scene so I would want to come back to the story and find out what happens next.

I also managed to add another paragraph to "Rainfall" and decided on the name Zoe for one of the characters after seeing it spray-painted on a bridge handrail I pass by everyday while walking home from the bus stop.

I gave my untitled Urban Fantasy Murder Mystery the tentative title "Here The Hunters" just so I would remember to look at it once in awhile.

I also had a thought (don't act so surprised, I sometimes do) about "Move Along Home" and where it is heading. It occurred to me that the reason I'm struggling a bit with this story is I've bitten off a larger idea than my notion of a short story can contain. So, I'm just going to run with the story and see where it ends up. It might yet come in under 7,500 words, but I wouldn't hold my breath. It get the sense it may well go closer to 15,000 words. Or more. I can't wait to see.

I noticed I actually have a small herd of stories going on right now, not just the three Works In Progress like I said earlier. I actually have three stories making the magazine rounds, one story that simply needs the wonderful careswen to give a final proof before submission, two stories out of workshop and in need of re-write, two stories in late draft that I need to either finish fixing or abandon, three in the early stages of incomplete draft, two that are complete middle drafts and need to go to workshop, and one that is a longer story that I haven't decided on what to do with, plus bits and pieces (no more than a paragraph, usually just a couple of lines on scenes and themes) of fourteen different possible stories.

Add to that my recent poetry project, and the never ending tweaking on my secondary fantasy world setting, and of course the occasional Live Journal Post. It adds up to a lot of words.

I've been a bit busy it seems.

I'm in my second week at Vision Loss Resources. I've already learned a lot in a very short time. The next two weeks I will be assessing what classes I really need to keep. So far my only for sure keepers are Orientation & Mobility, and Braille, and Keyboard. Every thing else is on the bubble, though I expect to keep Cooking and Techniques In Daily Living for at least awhile longer. I'll probably hang on to Leisure Ed and Woodshop until I've finished at least two projects. I don't expect to keep Physical Ed and Fitness much longer. I'm getting all the workout I need walking home from the bus stop. The class I'm the most ambivalent about is the Technology Class. I'll discuss why later. I promised myself I'd do at least two weeks, and preferably four, before I start dropping classes.

Well, I'm off for bed.

Peace, Love, Soft Chicken Tacos,

Michael